Sail Into The Dark
by Renegade Seraph
Summary: Squall, Commander of Balamb Garden is about to start a fight. This will change the world, shake a government, and topple military control. Because there is a cover-up happening, the Esthar population has been devastated. But Squall can't do this alone. He's going to need Rinoa, the only battle-navigator he trusts with his life, to train his cadets, and eventually, save his life. AU
1. Chapter 1

**Sail into the Dark**

**Author's Note: **Ok so following my one chapter fic 'A Voice in the Dark' I decided to continue that fic, and universe. Peer pressure, peer pressure, lol. I'm not going to update on that fic, because that was a submission to the 'Where I Belong' August Challenge… and this isn't.

So, I supposed what I am trying to say, is that you will most likely need to read '**A Voice in the Dark'** _before_ reading this. (It's only one chapter long and can be found on my profile.) Fingers crossed this fic doesn't get out of control… or I'll still be here fifty chapters later, lol.

* * *

**Chapter One – Nothing Left to Play For**

The navigation room was dark, illuminated only by the only two screens currently active. Two operatives remained working in the prospective booths, desperately trying to keep alert on the graveyard shift, whilst watching over their teams as they rested out on the 'battlefield'. They looked over at Rinoa as she stepped into the room, their tired eyes sweeping over her briefly. Being instantly recognisable, they simply nodded at her wave of a greeting, and returned to their work suspecting nothing amiss.

Invisible once again, Rinoa sat down at her own booth and felt the familiarity of her chair, wondering how much she would miss this place come tomorrow, and how much she would mourn the ending of this period of her life when it was taken away. It wasn't going to be easy, but she had promised Squall with hardly a second thought, and she just needed to remember that she'd not been afraid in that moment. No matter how many nerves threatened her resolve, she only had to think of Squall, and how his eyes had looked at her with such trust, and Rinoa knew she'd never go back on her word.

She booted up her screens for the last time, her mind recalling all the times she had looked at Squall and Selphie, dressed in their battle wear, large goggles over their eyes, oxygen masks over their nose and mouths, faces forever disguised from her. She could hear Squall's voice in her ear now, telling her his orders, his thoughts, his predictions on the situation that always had an uncanny knack of coming true. She could see him arguing with Seifer, who would reluctantly follow his orders after Quistis had threatened him with various petty punishments.

It was only now, that Rinoa had finally come to realise that Squall was Commander of Balamb, that Seifer had only ever done as Squall instructed because of his superior rank over him. She smiled slightly as she began to delete her presence from the computer's memory. Squall had not requested than she do this, but Rinoa had considered it to be prudent. Since she still had clearance, it made sense to use it.

There were plenty of things Squall had discovered on his missions that Rinoa hadn't reported to the Generals, at his suggestion, which she'd never questioned. But it didn't do to leave behind evidence to suggest that she'd always had rebel tendencies. Her father was going to pitch a fit as it was, and she didn't like to think of the trouble she'd get into if she were ever caught. But since her father had never approved of anything in her life, Rinoa didn't consider this to be too much of a loss.

As she tapped on her keyboard, Rinoa looked to her side and wondered if Quistis had been informed of her new orders yet? It seemed so strange that the soldier that she'd seen day in and day out was actually the Commander of Balamb Garden, and that Quistis would have known this from day one.

Satisfied that she'd destroyed anything that could be incriminating, Rinoa shut down for the last time, looked around the room once more, and then steeled herself to walk out of those doors. She'd probably never return.

* * *

Squall woke to find himself alone, the TV was still switched on, but it was now showing the night-screen, the programmes finished long a go, and a quick check of his watch told him that it was three in the morning. Sitting up wearily, he checked on his injuries, nothing too drastic, and nothing that wouldn't soon heal, providing he was allowed to continue resting somewhat. Lying on a hospital bed would certainly not be a viable option, but perhaps sitting at a desk might be. He certainly had a lot to do, and lying here in the near dark was helping nothing.

Gently moving to the edge of the bed, Squall stood slowly, testing his legs. He knew Selphie would be nearby, hopefully having had no difficulty in carrying out his orders. Quistis, Zell, Seifer and Nida should also be standing by, and Rinoa… well, she was probably worrying about the promise she'd given him all too freely. He couldn't think about her right now, he needed to get moving, and locating his phone, he called Selphie.

She answered after the second ring.

"Selphie, where are you?" Squall asked as he opened the door to the bathroom, and started filling the sink with cold water.

"Waiting in the corridor Sir," she answered. She sounded tired, and Squall was sure he'd probably woken her. But at least she'd been able to rest somewhat; they were unlikely to safe again until they reached Garden.

"OK, if you can, come to me now," Squall instructed before ending the call. He flung the phone out of the bathroom, and watched it bounce for a moment on the bed.

Selphie arrived, as he was busy washing his face, his vest discarded on the floor, and his attention focused solely on the task at hand. He felt Selphie's gaze on him from the doorway, in her hands the clothes he'd instructed her to bring for him. They had been planning this for a long time, but now the moment had come, it felt oddly surreal.

"That bruise looks terrible Squall, you sure you'll be alright?" Selphie observed, stepping forward and inspecting his skin, twisting him to face her.

Squall turned and allowed her to look all she wanted, being forced together twenty-four-seven had given them both an easiness with each other, that Squall had never experienced before. Selphie knew every inch of him, and although her personality often grated on his nerves, he knew he couldn't have asked for a better friend. She was non-judgemental, hardly ever argued with him, was enthusiastic about practically anything, and was one fantastic Second. Their relationship had cemented firmly into the nicely relegated 'sibling' zone, early in their partnership, and had never wavered. Squall knew Selphie wanted nothing more from him, and that was rather comforting. Especially, for the multiple times they seemed to end up naked in front of each other. Well, you couldn't have any secrets in the soldiers-mess and out on the battlefield, that just wasn't practical.

So now she was busy dressing him in his SeeD uniform, with familiarity of a sister, bushing his hair out of his eyes with a frown. She was very strict about his hair, liking it just so. Squall stood still, letting her do what she wanted with him, coming to the conclusion that she was in control of the majority of his life, just like a sister actually would.

"Seifer, Zell and Nida have left for Fisherman's Horizon already, Qusitis is going to wait for Rinoa and leave in a days time. And us?" Selphie prompted, once she was happy.

"Are leaving now," Squall informed her, straightening his jacket himself.

"The uniforms? Not the most comfortable thing for escaping in."

"It will prevent junior staff from interfering with our plans. We need to get out of here fast, our absence will not be unnoticed for long," Squall explained, looking over Selphie in her uniform, eyes resting on the cut across her cheek.

His mind drifted back to their last mission together, the navigator's voice in his earpiece telling him to fall back, Rinoa's voice. She'd warned him about the monster approaching, and still he'd allowed himself to confront it. He'd been injured before it had even appeared on the clearing, leaving Selphie to receive that cut when he'd collapsed. He'd never make that mistake again. It had been a moment of misjudgement, and it was unforgivable.

"We'll be recognised faster like this," Selphie said looking down at herself.

"Yes, but they'll only report us after we're gone. Unidentifiable clothes will cause us to be stopped and detained for ID and explanation. Those are unnecessary delays."

Selphie raised an eyebrow. Was there nothing that Squall thought about? By God she hoped not, because from the hammering of her heart she realised she was relying on him more than she should, to keep them both safe. He was the Commander, and she'd follow him anywhere, but she would be a fool to try and tell herself that she wasn't afraid right now. They were breaking their agreement and contracts by leaving without release, and if it was discovered, Squall could be detained and tried by court martial. Garden would be thrown into chaos, Headmaster Cid would be placed in an awful position of judgement, and Selphie knew for a fact nothing would end well.

They were deserters according to Galbadian law… the penalty for that was, in the very least a custodial sentence. Yes… this could all go very bad, very quickly.

**TBC...**


	2. Fisherman's Horizon

**Author's Note: **Ok, so it's been a while… But I am now writing to you from Sydney Australia, sitting in the sunshine instead of freezing to death in the UK. Unfortunately while I've been moving my life down-under, I've been without wifi for quite a while :( But seeing as I am somewhat settled now, I'm attempting to get back to this fic. So… here goes…

Thank you so much to everyone who left reviews for chapter one :D

**Chapter Two – Fisherman's Horizon**

Quistis had found Rinoa in her room, looking pale and terrified, her bag packed and dark circles ghosting under her eyes. Quistis hadn't been surprised that Rinoa hadn't slept, she'd been restless herself, and unable to image this working out well. They'd said nothing to each other as they'd walked nervously out of the accommodation building and through the main gates. Rinoa had chanced a look upwards, towards the snipers poised at the top of the towers, and at the guards stationed all around them. Their armed presence that had never been a threat before, were now objects of terror. But thankfully, a flash of their ID badges was all it had taken to see them on their way, and Rinoa and Quistis hadn't lingered.

"This can't possibly work," Quistis said as they stood together at the train station platform. "We look like we're running away. I don't know what the Commander was thinking of, he must have gone insane. I must be insane for following these instructions."

Rinoa watched Quistis search in her bag for something. A frustrated look quickly appeared on her face, since whatever it was she was looking for, evaded her. Eventually she took out her lipstick and a compact mirror, just in time for a guard to walk past her. Armed with her feminine tools, she gave him a brief smile before ignoring him and refreshing her makeup. Rinoa had no idea if that had been intentional, but it seemed to send the guard on his way again.

"Yes, but you have to follow Squall's orders… right? Being your Commander and all. If anyone is insane here, it's me," Rinoa replied quietly, making sure that she couldn't be overheard.

"I know," Quistis replied, checking her watch again. "I just… these orders make me nervous. Besides, just because the Commander says to do something, doesn't mean I have to like it."

Rinoa kept her thoughts to herself. Really it felt like some sort of play they were all acting in. So far, nothing had felt real. Turning her back on everything that made sense, had left her with very little to tether her to reality. Quistis was obviously suffering with her nerves right now, and when Rinoa thought about it, that seemed to make perfect sense. Quistis liked to plan her actions out to the letter, she liked details and numbers, orders that were clear and that left little room for interpretation. Squall had revealed his plans to Rinoa, but she knew he was keeping his reasons a secret from Quistis.

For whatever reason that might be, Squall had asked Qusitis to abandon her post and return to Garden. She had no idea why. Or for how long. Or whether their actions were sanctioned by the Galbadians, or whether they were on the run. No wonder she was nervous, and having to keep a secret from her friend was testing Rinoa to the limit. However to be honest, Rinoa didn't really know the answer to those questions either. Would they really be apprehended if they were questioned?

Of course this line of thought was only ever going to end up taking her back to one place, and that was to Squall. And as the train pulled up in front of them, and they stepped inside, all that Rinoa could think of was, what would her future would bring? What was in store now that she was entangling her life with this man, who she was hopelessly falling for? The sensible part of her mind told her that she was most likely to be dreadfully hurt, when she finally woke up and realised that this was not a romantic dream, but a warzone. But still, her heart kept pumping its hope around her body, leaving her in suspense, and anxious. She was a fool, and deeply out of her depth.

"It's been a long time since I was at Fisherman's Horizon," Rinoa said, in hope of starting a conversation, which would ease the tension between herself and Quistis. "I flew in direct when the… when the virus started. I didn't take the train."

Quistis said nothing, not even a smile, and Rinoa wondered if she was now seeing the SeeD side of Quistis, that had for a long time, been hidden from their friendship. It was unnerving, and Rinoa felt herself to be even more inadequate beside her cold friend, since Rinoa didn't have another persona she could retreat into. She was simply Rinoa, no military training, no SeeD number to her name, just a quick mind, a fast learner, and willing to sacrifice her life to a cause… metaphorically speaking. But would it be enough? She was not a soldier.

"The Garden will meet us as FH," Quistis said once the train had picked up speed. "Then we will be debriefed."

Rinoa looked at Quistis as if she was seeing her for the first time. If nothing else, her friend's changed demeanour told Rinoa that maybe she had accepted this challenge without enough consideration. She felt more nervous than ever. What if everyone at Balamb was as cold as Quistis was being now? How would she survive it? What if Squall changed too? The idea was terrifying, and she found herself unable to stop the fear that was spreading through her.

Rinoa refused to say anything further unless it was vitally necessary, and they spent the rest of the journey in uncomfortable silence. When the train pulled into the small station of FH, Rinoa couldn't wait to get away. Again she waited for someone to stop them, but nothing happened, and they walked off the train and into the small town seemingly without a care in the world.

Sure enough the Garden was waiting for them, and Rinoa could see the revolving golden disks floating around the base of the ship as it hovered just inches above the sea. There was a precarious looking gangway connecting it to the FH dock, and couple of young people in SeeD uniforms standing at the entrance of it. For a moment Rinoa lost her breath just looking at it, having only ever seen the Garden on TV and in the papers, in real life, it was truly amazing. A marvel of technology, but also beautiful, like a giant shimmering dragonfly, with those glowing lattice discs below being its wings. Still, Rinoa felt like the poor relation following behind Quistis, and it only became worse as they stepped on the gangway and into Garden.

Quistis knew everyone, apparently, and they all saluted her. It made Rinoa increasingly uncomfortable as she followed her down the walkway. Quistis seemed keen on abandoning Rinoa to her own devices as soon as the welcome committee was in sight, and left her standing alone in order to speak to some fellow SeeDs. Suddenly someone was shouting her name, and Rinoa spotted Selphie running full pelt towards her.

"Get out of the way!" Selphie yelled at the gathered people, earning herself some disgruntled muttering. Apparently Selphie wasn't as much a celebrity as Quistis, and the group of onlookers melted away as Quistis left.

Rinoa blushed as Selphie gave her the most awkward, but enthusiastic hug she'd ever had. Selphie seemed to be treating their friendship as if it had been a given from the start, whereas Rinoa felt very tentative. She was out of sorts with the surroundings, and completely unsure of what was expected of her. Thankfully, Selphie didn't seem to notice anything amiss.

"Sorry, I got held up… the Garden Festival's gone to hell since I've been gone. It was just total chaos this morning, I've been recruiting, but since it was such a disaster last year no one wants to help. But I make them change their mind, maybe you could help me?" Selphie said as she grabbed Rinoa's bag and hooked her arm interlaced with Rinoa's. "Did you have a nice journey? I love the train, but unfortunately Squall was grumpy the whole way over, but it was no matter, I still sang at him anyway."

Rinoa realised that they had covered a remarkable amount of distance while she had been bombarded by Selphie's onslaught of conversation. She spotted a sign that read, Dormitories, and guessed that was where they were headed.

"Sang at him?" Rinoa questioned. It had seemed like an odd choice of words.

"Oh sure. Train train, take us away… he hates it. In fact, I'm pretty sure Squall hates everything, but what can you do! Oh, I forgot to say, we're sharing a dorm, I asked Squall, and he said it was OK," Selphie said with a smile.

Rinoa wasn't sure if this was an alarming prospect or a comforting one. To be sure, she wasn't going to get much peace if Selphie was as hyperactive as this all the time. Rinoa halted her thoughts. This was unfair. Selphie had gone out of her way to meet her, guide her around this maze of a Garden, and had even ensured that she wouldn't have to share rooms with a stranger.

"I'm sorry," Selphie said suddenly. "Am I being a pain? I talk too much, I know, I'll be quiet."

"No," Rinoa assured her. "It's just, I'm a little overwhelmed by this place. I didn't image it would be like this…"

"Like what?"

"Well, it's beautiful for a start. And all the students, they look so professional and unfriendly…" Rinoa elaborated as she looked around. Most of the people she passed were in uniform, even the children, and all seemed to have surly looks on their faces. "I'm not going to fit in here at all, am I?"

Selphie just shrugged.

"I'll get you an uniform, then you can be a miserable bastard just like them… if you like?" Selphie asked, clearly of the same opinion as Rinoa.

"No thanks…" Rinoa replied. Just then a group of people their own again walked by, giving them both disapproving looks. "But on second thought, yes to the uniform, no to being miserable."

Rinoa gave up trying to make sense of anything Selphie was telling her after that. She apparently ought to know all about Headmaster Cid from the way Selphie was speaking, and maybe she would have, if she had read the damn files on Squall and Selphie like she should have. Again, through her own laziness Rinoa had managed to make herself feel like a fool.

"You know," Selphie continued as she swiped a card down a reader outside door number 332, then handed the card to Rinoa. "You keep that, it's your key now. No… what was I saying? Oh yeah, you know what? I never expected you to be like you are."

Rinoa frowned. What was Selphie going to tell her now? This statement had done nothing to put her at ease.

"What do you mean?" Rinoa asked, but Selphie was waiting for her appraisal and opinion on their rooms now, and didn't look like she was about to answer. Rinoa decided to oblige her, even though she would much rather had continued the conversation.

The dorm room was small, but seemed perfectly adequate for the two of them. There was a little kitchen area on their left, with two stools at a breakfast bar, fitted cupboards including a fridge, a kettle and microwave. To the right, was a two-seater sofa and a shelf containing a few academic books. Straight ahead were three doors, Selphie stepped forward and opened one.

"Bathroom," she said letting Rinoa look inside. There was a shower, a toilet and a sink, hardly any room to move without bumping into something, but again, it was adequate. "Thank your lucky stars I'm a qualified SeeD, the students have communal facilities… and they're gross."

"The facilities, or the students?" Rinoa asked, closing the bathroom door. Selphie laughed.

"You're funny," she decided, before showing Rinoa her bedroom. "OK, so the room is titchy, but, you get used to it after a while… apparently. I can't really remember anything different to be honest. And after spending a year bunking with Squall in a tent, I'd sleep in a bin just to get away from him."

"A bin would be better than sharing with Squall?" Rinoa asked, she knew her face was heating up just at the thought of him. She hoped Selphie hadn't noticed.

"Alright, maybe that's a bit harsh… I just like my own space sometimes, you know? I'm sure the feeling is mutual, so I don't feel bad about it," Selphie shrugged, moving into the kitchen, flicking on the kettle and perching on a stool. "As far as sharing with a boy goes, I suppose the Commander is one of the best. You know, when he sleeps, he like super still. Just sleeps, you know? Kind of creepy actually..."

Rinoa took the opportunity to sit on the sofa, it was more comfortable than she expected, and she leant into the cushions. Maybe she ought to make use of the shower soon too, change into something more comfortable and try to relax. Only now she had Selphie's tent sharing story running through her mind, which was making her somewhat uncomfortable. She wasn't sure Squall would like Selphie gossiping about him. On the other hand she was desperate to keep talking about him, but didn't dare pursue the conversation for fear of betraying too much.

"You don't look like I imaged you would," Selphie said offhandedly as she dropped a teabag into a mug. "Tea or coffee?"

"Coffee, milk please, no sugar," Rinoa answered automatically, her mind still on other things. "What do you mean?"

Selphie looked as if she was thinking really hard about what she was going to say next, but remained silent until she'd finished stirring the coffee.

"Guess I never really thought about it. Or, maybe I thought you'd be older… … nah, I don't know," Selphie said with a dismissive shrug of her shoulders. "I bet Squall was surprised, he probably looked like this..." she paused to make an over the top expression of comic shock.

Rinoa felt herself blush, and tried to cover her embarrassment with an awkward laugh. It was close to the mark, maybe more so than Selphie realised. Only it hadn't been Squall who'd been surprised, at least he'd shown no sign that he'd been so. Rinoa could still feel that strange magnetic pull towards the young man on the hospital bed, it was off balancing now as it had been then. She was glad when Selphie handed her the mug, just to have something to do with her hands.

"You know he didn't look like that," Rinoa replied before quickly taking a sip of her drink. Selphie grinned at her, but it was hard for Rinoa to tell what she was smiling at. Could she know the truth? Was Rinoa's nervousness about Squall written all over her? No, they were just talking, Selphie couldn't possibly know anything.

"If you like him, you can tell me you know. Most girls do," Selphie replied rather slyly, her grin turning conspiratorial.

Rinoa froze, mug hovering an inch from her lips. She couldn't remember if she was lifting it for a sip, or putting it down. Her heart suddenly was beating a hundred miles a hour. She didn't want to be an object of fun. Her admiration for Squall wasn't something she was comfortable talking about, especially not something she could joke about. She'd barely understood herself yet, and certainly didn't want Selphie to tease her. Feeling on the defense, Rinoa forced herself to reply.

"But not you?" she said, deflecting the question. Selphie made another face, as if this was a highly distasteful thought. Rinoa smiled, but knew her face had to be burning right now, it certainly felt as if it was on fire.

"Come on, me and Squall? It would be like, the worst hook up ever. Just no. Besides, I'd have to fight Quistis off first, and she'd most likely kill me. Have you seen those nails? Ouch."

Rinoa felt her heart sink, sobering her up instantly. Squall and Quistis were together? How had she missed that? She really was a first class idiot. Clearly Selphie had been making fun of her after all. It would certainly explain why Quistis was miffed at not being given the full reason for leaving Esthar. Maybe she was annoyed that it had been Rinoa who he'd requested at his hospital bedside? It would explain her sudden cold behaviour.

"Well, I don't like him like that, so, Quistis is safe," Rinoa replied knowing that she was being childish. But what else could she have said? She could hardly confess to being completely infatuated with him, not now Selphie had made it abundantly clear that he was with Quistis. It was time to shake the stupid feelings about him away, and behave like the professional Squall thought she was. he hadn't brought her here for a date.

Selphie fixed her with a sceptical look, as if she didn't believe that for a second, but was too polite to say anything to the contrary. She'd been slightly disappointed that Rinoa hadn't burst into girlish giggles at the thought of dating the Commander, since setting them up would have been amusing. She couldn't remember Squall ever going on a date, not that he was the sharing and caring type. Getting any kind of personal information out of Squall was like the cliche getting blood from a stone. But not everyone was an open book, and even Rinoa was proving hard to read.

"Oh well. You should go see him I suppose, he'll be in his office. Knowing Squall he's already planned your schedule down to the last second."

This made Rinoa smile for real, because she knew Selphie was right. There was one thing that Squall was better at than anyone she knew, and that was making sure that everyone around him was working hard. The thought of having some direction to work to made Rinoa feel a whole lot safer in this unfamiliar place. But there was no way Rinoa was going up to Squall's office looking travel weary and crumpled. Not if Quistis might be there looking as fabulous as always.

"You know, I think i'll shower first," Rinoa decided, knowing that Selphie was giving her that smile again.


	3. Balamb Garden

**Chapter Three **

**Balamb Garden**

Rinoa found herself in front of a closed door, having knocked and received no answer she now had a dilemma. Leaving wasn't an option, she needed to see Squall if only to show her face and let him know she hadn't backed out of her promise. Therefore she had only one choice left to her; to open the door and hope that she'd be welcome.

She found herself in an office, which looked as if it was in need of dire need of modernising and empty of any occupants. Strangely, a small highly out of place lift stood in the middle of the room, leading to a higher floor. Rinoa waited by the door for a few minutes, before deciding she ought to take a seat. As she passed the lift, the faint sound of voices reached her from the floor above. Trying not to overhear what she shouldn't, Rinoa continued to the desk and sat in the visitor's chair.

The desk was covered with handwritten notes, the penmanship was very small and concise looking, but out of decency Rinoa only spared them a glancing look. Instead she turned her attention to the plaques and certificates which hung on the wall around her. There didn't seem to be much evidence to suggest that Squall worked here at all, as none of the awards belonged to him. A picture of an older stout-framed man and a slender dark haired woman smiled out at Rinoa from a frame on the desk, but again, no sign of Squall.

After a time, she grew uncomfortable waiting uninvited, her mind starting to form horrible scenarios. Had Squall even made it back to the Garden? Had her father discovered her, was Squall in trouble, or danger? Might she have alerted the Galbadians to the Garden by her leaving the base? Would Squall be angry with her? With every moment, Rinoa began to feel less and less composed, and realised she was in a near blind panic when she heard the lift start to descend.

She could hear the voices more clearly now, growing louder as they neared. She recognised them as Squall and Quistis, and after her revealing conversation with Selphie, the last thing Rinoa wanted was to look like she was treading where she shouldn't. Knowing she couldn't get the door before they did, Rinoa remained seated.

"No, Quistis, I've already explained that I cannot share my reasons with you," Squall said as he guided Quistis towards the door, both their backs were to Rinoa as far as she could tell, they hadn't noticed her company. "Can't you trust me?"

"I do trust you, of course I do," Quistis replied sounding rather hurt. "I just don't understand why you don't trust me. You always have before…"

Squall looked tried; his shoulders were slightly slumped as if he couldn't find the energy for the conversation. It sounded also as if this was already a well worn topic.

"This has nothing to do with not trusting you. You know I trust you more than anyone," Squall assured her, in a voice that was almost pleading to be left alone. Rinoa wondered if he had slept at all since she'd last seen him, the evidence before her suggested that he was running on empty.

Maybe Quistis was thinking the same, because she left rather reluctantly, saying something that Rinoa couldn't hear before Squall closed the door on her concern. Rinoa waited to be noticed, not wanting to interrupt this moment of calm. Slowly Squall turned back, probably thinking about his desk full of awaiting paperwork, and when he lifted his gaze, Rinoa could see the exhaustion wasn't in her imagination.

He didn't seem surprised to see her there, but it was a sluggish kind of acknowledgement which suggested he wasn't really aware of his surroundings. Rinoa started to stand, but when Squall touched his hand to the bridge of his nose as if to fend off a headache, she hesitated and remained where she was.

"You don't look very well… should I go?" Rinoa asked, feeling awkward. She wanted to express her concern, but knew it wasn't her place to say anything. Calling the Commander out on his obvious lack of rest was somewhat akin to saying he wasn't capable of preforming his duties, and Rinoa wasn't sure how Squall would interpret her.

"No… I need you here," Squall replied, before walking towards his desk. Before he sat down, he gathered his papers to one side to make space for his next task.

"Are you sure you're OK? I really think…" Rinoa said before hesitantly standing up once more.

"No!" Squall said suddenly, before realising his tone of voice and becoming quiet once more. Rinoa sat down again, Squall's behaviour was worrying her. "I'm sorry, have you been waiting long?"

Rinoa found herself unable to answer right away, Squall's sudden switch back into normality had thrown her. It was like a mask had just slotted itself over his face, and she was no longer looking at someone who was dog tired, but was hearing the in control voice she'd grown accustomed to.

Squall pushed the strange buzzing of exhaustion to the back of his mind, and tried to organise his thoughts. Since leaving Esthar he'd sat down for maybe two hours at most, not that he'd expected anything else. But having almost died recently, he knew he was functioning far from his best ability. However unlike his colleagues, Squall didn't have the luxury of recuperating. At a time like this, the walls had ears, and any weakness on his part would echo around the Garden a hundred times louder.

Rinoa gave him a smile reassuring smile, and Squall was struck once again by how young and innocent faced she was. She certainly didn't belong here at Garden, where competition vied with desperation as the inhabitants main motivators. She'd left behind her entire life because he'd asked her to, and right now, Squall couldn't quite believe his own nerve at demanding from someone who owed him nothing. What the hell was he doing?

"No, I just got here, Selphie said you might want to see me…" Rinoa replied, tailing off in a way that suggested she wasn't confident that she was welcome at all. Squall could see concern in her eyes, or worry… and knew he wasn't doing anything to inspire confidence in her.

"Yes. First I need to thank you for coming here…" Squall said. Rinoa felt somewhat like she was being examined for cracks in her resolve.

"Squall I… I mean…. Commander…"

"You can call me Squall," he interrupted. "That's what you always called me before."

"Yes, that's true… but maybe that wasn't appropriate," Rinoa replied suddenly wondering if she'd always been a bit over the boundaries. Had he minded? Had he been too polite to say anything? No, she couldn't start analysing everything that had gone before, she'd drive herself crazy doing that.

To Rinoa's surprise Squall smiled, ever so slightly the glazed look in his eyes started to fade away.

"If we're going to worry about being inappropriate, then we'd better stop now," he replied, before looking past her and nodding at someone who was stepping out of the lift. "Nida, this is Rinoa Heartilly."

The young man smiled as he walked towards them, and held out his hand for Rinoa to shake.

"Nice to meet you, I'm the Garden's Navigator, and I created the programme you'll be using," he said, before pulling out the second chair on Rinoa's side of the desk, and making himself comfortable. He was still grinning, and Rinoa darted a look back at Squall.

Nida's voice seemed to call Squall back into his usual work mode, and the smile had disappeared from his face.

"We hadn't got that far Nida," Squall said. He had some papers in his hands now, which he was now pushing across the desk towards Rinoa. "You'll be needing these, passwords, training manuals, map of the Garden… and this is for you also."

Rinoa took the papers and the mobile phone Squall had added on top of them, and knew reading through all the tiny print wasn't going to be fun.

"We have a paging system here, all the staff have numbers. Dial the number, leave your message and they'll return the call within the half hour. When you're off duty, you can either switch off, or be a work-a-holic like the Commader and be on call twenty-four-seven," Nida explained, taking hold of the phone and loading up the menu to show Rinoa what to press. "Of course, we hardly ever clock off here, so no one is uncontactable… but, you're different, I recommend turning the damn thing off… that's right, isn't it boss?"

"Turn off your phone at night Rinoa," Squall replied, ironically currently looking at his own phone's screen as he spoke. He didn't seem to like what he saw there.

"I think maybe the Commander should clock off right now," Nida said also watching Squall. "You look like half an hour away from a mental collapse."

"Nida return to the bridge before we crash into anymore fishing boats," Squall replied, before holding the phone up to his ear. "Seifer, you are taking class 552 in twenty minutes… no Quistis isn't here… No I am not re-issuing rule 72… I don't care what you had for dinner… I'm hanging up."

Rinoa sat in silence, not sure what to make of that. She hadn't even given much thought to Seifer since she'd left. It made sense that Squall would have recalled all the SeeDs working on the mission, a small until in Esthar, however capable would have been highly vulnerable to the Galbadian army. But it also left a hole in the mission that wouldn't easily be filled, potentially harming the Estharian civilians.

"That guy is a pain in the..."

"Nida, go back to the bridge," Squall said. His stern voice cut through Nida's lighthearted remark, and immediately the young man was saluting and returning to his duties.

Rinoa took the moment to look over what Squall had given her. There was indeed an operation manual which must belong to the programme Nida had been talking of. It looked unfamiliar, and overwhelming right now, and Rinoa skipped it. The map of the Garden was enough to concentrate on at the moment.

"You'll be working with Quistis…" Squall explained looking weary again. "But, you'll report direct to me, so any problems, I want you to call."

"Alright," Rinoa replied. She knew that Squall could see right through her. She knew he could see what she was thinking, that she'd be highly reluctant to call him for anything, considering how overworked he looked.

Squall didn't say any more, simply studied her face. This was far removed from their previous interactions, when they'd been working in high pressure situations. Being off-duty together was leaving them somewhat floundering, and every word out of his mouth felt strange. Here was someone he'd placed his life in the hands of, over and over, and he couldn't even make her feel at ease around him.

Not that he was in the practice of being a good host, but Rinoa was different. This wasn't just some rookie recruit. This was Rinoa, who he couldn't afford to lose, and who he couldn't let down. Rinoa made him feel nervous, and Squall wasn't sure why? Being in her presence was certainly bringing back memories of life threatening danger, but worse than that, trying to impress her just seemed to highlight all his failings.

"You can call anytime," Squall added, not sure why he couldn't shut up. He was perfectly capable of not talking most of the time. Now Rinoa just looked even more uncomfortable, holding the papers between them like a shield.

"Well… I suppose I should let you get on with your…" Rinoa said as she stood. "Maybe you should sleep some? You know, turn that phone off… or you know… OK I'll see you."

Squall watched Rinoa leave as if she couldn't get out of there fast enough, and knew that this conversation was going to plague him for hours, pushing sleep even further away.


	4. Seifer

**Chapter Four – Seifer**

In the few days that followed, Rinoa found herself the subject of everyone's attention. It wouldn't have been so bad, if it hadn't been for the fact she didn't know where she was going. Aimless wandering in the hope of finding her way around made her feel even more conspicuous. Everywhere she went, people looked at her, some smiled, and some paused in their conversations until she was gone. Rinoa understood their interest. Here she was, a civilian that their Commander had brought to the Garden, and then seconds after her arrival they were all on alert for Galbadian attack. No wonder the welcome committee had been a bit thin on the ground.

Selphie had followed through on her promise to find her a Garden uniform, and up until now Rinoa had ingored it's blue and gold presence hanging on the back of her door. But on day three, Rinoa gave in and left her room dressed as a SeeD. The uniform did wonders for her confidence, like wearing a suit of bravery. Two things happened because of that uniform, one, Rinoa no longer felt lost when she walked through the Garden, and the other, she finally read her contract.

Squall had titled her as Military Tactic Consultant. The contract stated that she was engaged to work in partnership with Quistis Trepe in a teaching capacity. Rinoa was alarmed to find that this required her to formulate a programme of instruction for the SeeD students, and that she would be teaching a class of approximately twelve. Her first thought had been terror, she wasn't a teacher, and the idea of speaking in front of twelve strangers, who were expecting great things from her, was too much. What had she done to trick Squall into thinking she would be capable of this? She was good at her job, yes, but good enough for this?

At this very moment, Rinoa was in the cafeteria, waiting for Selphie to finish her weapons training. Selphie turned out to be one of those people who was generous with their time. Rinoa was grateful beyond anything that Selphie kept her from hiding away in her room, and forced her to socialise with people she would have otherwise been too intimidated of otherwise. Today she was going to meet Selphie's friends, all SeeDs, who one way or another she'd worked with before.

Rinoa's phone beeped, and she immediately recalled the number.

"Hey, just running to you now. Damn Jelleye sliced my arm with its fin. Squall healed it up a bit, but I've got to go to the doctor after lunch," Selphie said, in a breathless voice that did indeed indicate that she was running.

"You got hurt? Go to the doctor now. I'll come with you," Rinoa replied, pushing her chair back and reaching for her bag.

"No! I'm here, stay where you are, I see you."

Sure enough Rinoa could see Selphie pushing through the crowd that always seemed to gather at the doorway where the staff had unwisely hung the menu. She was dressed in her sweats, her hair scraped back from her face, blood leaking through one sleeve. But she was smiling like always.

"How's it going?" Selphie asked as she sat down heavily in one of the uncomfortable metal chairs.

"You are covered in blood." Was all Rinoa could say in reply, her eyes fixed on her friend's arm.

Selphie shrugged.

"I'm used to it. No one is going to give a crap here, SeeDs are always covered in blood," Selphie said dismissively, before reaching to take one of Rinoa's abandoned stone cold fries. She grinned and pulled her blood covered sweater off. Her arm looked rather red and inflamed, but like Selphie had said, the wound had been healed. "Squall kind of looks whacked out, don't you think? You saw him the other day right? You should tell him to chill the fuck out. He "

"I think I kind of already did. He looked tired when I saw him," Rinoa said without thinking. She caught sight of Selphie's smirk, but chose to ignore it. Instead she looked around instead.

The cafeteria was busy, and reminded Rinoa of school, where people separated into cliques, busy gossiping and enjoying each other's company. She supposed there was little else for these people to do in their time away from studying, and Rinoa realised that it had been a long time she had been around so many young people all at once. In her professional life, she had been swallowed up by a much older adult demographic.

It occurred to her when Selphie suddenly jumped up and started waving at someone that she was, for the first time in her life, sitting at the 'popular' table. The SeeDs had earned their place in this room, it belonged to them, and the students kept their distance. As fun as that was for about five seconds, Rinoa realised she hated being a celebrity as soon as Selphie started yelling.

"Hey cowboy, whoo! Over here!"

With everyone looking over, Rinoa felt herself get beet red, and she smiled nervously. Selphie looked like she was seconds from jumping on top of the table to flag down her friend, and Rinoa grabbed her arm.

"Selphie, everyone is staring at us," she whispered.

"Everyone always stares at us Rin, get used to it," Selphie replied not caring for Rinoa's embarrassment.

All of a sudden two young men were making their way towards them, and Rinoa felt the pressure to make a good impression return. These people mattered to her, they were Selphie's friends, but they were also depending on her to live up to the trust their Commander had placed in her. Her heart started to beat uncomfortably fast.

"Irvine, Zell, meet Rinoa," Selphie said, sitting down and looking mightily proud to be making the introduction.

"No way, Rinoa Heartilly in the flesh," the man in the cowboy hat said, removing said hat in respect as he took a seat next to Selphie. "Thanks for keeping this one out of trouble," he added before pressing a light-hearted kiss to Selphie's cheek.

"I'm Zell," the other said, he'd seated himself also, and immediately started eating. "Thanks for all the help by the way. You saved my ass a few times out there."

It took a few seconds for Rinoa to realise what he'd said through his chewing, but before she could reply, he was talking again. They made her feel at ease within minutes, and Rinoa suddenly came to the conclusion that as far as they were concerned Rinoa didn't need to prove herself at all. From the way they recalled and talked of old missions, she started to see it all from their point of view, and realised how much she'd meant to them all without ever being aware. She was indeed the voice of calm in their darkest moments, and it was humbling.

"Yeah, you remember that time Seifer found those people hiding in the shelter, and Squall was telling him to fall back, but he couldn't because the monsters were closing in?" Zell was saying excitedly. "And then Rinoa organised that chopper to drop in me and Irv, and had you and Squall organise the evacuation… you remember that Selphie? Then we all camped together in that cave…"

"Wasn't that the night Seifer almost died?" Irvine asked.

"Yeah, good memories," Zell concurred. "Oh fuck. There he is."

Rinoa immediately turned around to look. Seifer had been the bane of her life, never took orders except from Quistis, and always gave her plenty of attitude. Having him miles away and only seeing him in his battle gear on a screen was as close as Rinoa had ever wanted to come to him. Now he was here in the room with her, walking towards them like a predator.

"Bit early for your daily beating Zell, but I suppose I could oblige you," he said as he neared.

The grin on his face told Rinoa that he meant to start trouble. She felt extremely intimidated, and the mood at the table changed to tense. Rinoa felt herself freeze as he put his hands on the back of her chair and leant forward, invading her space. Forcing herself to acknowledge him, she remained looking him in the eye.

"You've got to be kidding me," Selphie muttered under her breath.

"Hi," Seifer said, completely ignoring everyone and staring at Rinoa as he looked down at her. The grin was still on his face, and he clearly thought his attentions would be welcome. Rinoa could see over his shoulder that Seifer wasn't the only new arrival in the room, Squall was standing in the line waiting to be served, looking bored and checking his phone.

"Hello," Rinoa replied uncertainly. No doubt about it, Seifer was an intense person. He seemed to take up all the room in the place, his presence was overwhelming, and his interest in her was unmistakable. He also clearly had no idea who she was.

"Seifer, this is Rinoa Heartilly," Selphie said, sounding nothing like her friendly self, but more like her no nonsense SeeD battle self.

"Rinoa Heartilly? Like, the actual…" Seifer said, realisation dawning in his eyes and he leant back, as if Rinoa had suddenly changed into something else. He looked completely off balance for a second, which allowed Rinoa to take a good look at him. He was tall, his t-shirt was tight around his muscled arms, blond hair cropped short, his eyes sharp. Rinoa knew she had been right from the off, this man was dangerous.

"Yes, Rinoa the navigator… Squall must have told you she'd be here?" Selphie continued rather sarcastically. "Maybe you should stop hitting on her, especially when the Commander is stood right over there."

Seifer looked over his shoulder, and took his hands off of Rinoa's chair. He grabbed another chair from a neighbouring table, and sat next to Selphie as if he had been invited. For all he seemed to like antagonising everyone, Seifer also looked as if he was completely at home with their company. But clearly the sight of Squall wasn't too welcome to him right now, like a naughty child spotting their parents.

"Squall never said you were so fit, but then his taste in women is pretty shit…." Seifer said, his attention now split between Rinoa and checking that Squall was still far away. "I thought you were an old lady."

Rinoa raised an eyebrow. She wasn't sure if this was meant to be a compliment… or if Seifer was just a professional asshole. He was succeeding in making her highly uncomfortable either way.

"Seifer…. Oh wait, you were the one who never followed any orders," Rinoa replied with a smile, as sweet as she could make it.

Seifer stared at her for a moment, and then started grinning again. Rinoa knew giving as good as she got wouldn't make him leave her alone, it would probably make things worse, but a man like Seifer marked meek people as targets. He liked people who stood up to him, like Quistis and Squall. He'd most likely gravitated over to this table, looking for a fight, knowing full well no one here who was going to lay down and die.

"Speaking of pain in ass people, the fucking Commander is on my case. Got to weapon-train the idiot students with him, as if it will help, they're all useless."

"Oh boo hoo Seifer," Selphie said rolling her eyes. "No one cares."

"Speaking of Squall, you know he's right behind you, don't you?" Irvine said, smirking followed by giving Rinoa a conspiratorial wink. Seifer's eyes widened, and he turned around. There was no one standing behind him, but Squall was in fact watching them from the table he was sitting at. He still looked incredibly tired and pale.

"He's such a loser," Seifer muttered as Squall looked away. Rinoa thought that although Squall was sat alone, he seemed to be enjoying being away from everyone. Still, everyone who walked past him greeted him in some way, whether a nod, or a 'hey', or even a salute.

"No he isn't," Zell argued looking increasingly annoyed with Seifer.

"You're only saying that because you love him," Seifer retorted. "You want to take him home to your mummy."

Rinoa rolled her eyes. Really, this was just like school, even down to the petty arguing. She supposed she been spoiled in the past few years by actual adult conversations… between actual adults. Rather than listening to the idiocy coming out of mouths that ought to know better. Still… she supposed a change was as good as a rest. It would do no good to become old before her time.

"_You're_ in love with him!" Zell yelled becoming more and more riled. Selphie snorted.

"Probably true," Selphie muttered, casting an amused glance at Rinoa.

Rinoa supposed that for annoying as Seifer was, he was being very well tolerated by everyone. Well, perhaps not Zell, who seemed to be counting down the seconds until Seifer left.

"I'm done hanging out with you losers," Seifer decided abruptly, interrupting the conversation Selphie had started with Irvine. He stood, and started heading over to where Squall was sat.

Rinoa watched nervously, feeling highly protective of Squall all of a sudden. She knew everyone else at the table was waiting for what might happen, as if Seifer was a firework that was about to explode at any moment. Sure enough Seifer stopped in front of Squall.

"Commander Leonhart in the house!" he yelled, arms wide with over the top flamboyance, before clapping Squall rather violently on the back and sitting, once again uninvited, at the table.

Rinoa couldn't hear what Squall said in reply, but he looked as if he was completely over Seifer's bullshit. Apparently Seifer yelling in the middle of the cafeteria wasn't worthy of any special acknowledgment, and no one paid him any attention. Maybe no one wanted to draw his attention towards them, which was more likely.

"Come on, let's just go…" Selphie said. As Rinoa followed her out, she looked over at Squall. He returned her gaze, his eyes lingering on her uniform, and Rinoa couldn't read his expression at all.


End file.
